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So everyone's packed up and left, but you were forced to hang around by a final scheduled in the last possible timeslot. The apartment is yours now. You've already rifled through their belongings, that's child's play. Here are a few things to do when you're home alone in an empty apartment.
8.) Buttknob:
Drop your drawers, spread your cheeks, and press your bare asshole against the cold metal doorknob. You've always thought about it, and now you have the freedom to try. Does the bathroom knob feel different than the front door? Only one way to find out!
7.) Primal scream:
If you've never let out a blood-curdling scream (for fun, not actual terror), you've never experienced how deeply invigorating it can be. Chances are your neighbors are gone too, so release all the stress that is waking consciousness by screaming into the abyss.
6.) Masturbate openly:
Yes, you masturbate every night when you 'go to bed at 11 p.m.' But that's under the covers on your bed. This time, baby, spread wide on the couch on the living room and chromecast some weird porn onto your TV. Finish with the aforementioned primal scream, and boy howdy we've got a stew goin'.
5.) Sit in a bath of noodles:
G31 modded driver. Speaking of stew, deep down anyone who's ever shared a living space has wanted to bathe in a tub of noodles then feed those noodles to their roommate. Buy some spaghetti, boil it up, pour it in your bathtub (with some salt to taste), sit in said bath for 40-60 minutes, drain the bath, package the noodles, and freeze them in anticipation of a cold January night, perfect for roommate soup ‘n movie night!
4.) Haunt the place:
That's right, you need to make the apartment haunted. Murdering a small child in your bedroom or making several old people very mad before they die in hopes they follow you home should do the trick. Either way, someone's gotta take the blame for the Sunny-D that keeps disappearing from the fridge, and it ain't gonna be you.
3.) Scour the ground for loose Adderall beads:
Your little bitch of a roommate has a prescription to Adderall but left before giving you any. At some point they probably cracked one of the capsules opened to split, and even if you're done with finals, it'd be pretty cool to get real focused up and go to town on Star Fox. So get down on your hands and knees and put your tongue to any little orange-white bead you can find.
2.) Stare into the mirror:
With roommates, it can be hard to spend extended amounts of time staring at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. You're all so busy! But now that they're gone, you can hit the lights and glare into the mirror waiting to see who fucking blinks first.
1.) Do the dishes:
People say it's a chore to fuck dishes, but it's easier than it looks. All you need is a few soft-rubber-ended tongs, a spatula, some Dawn Escapes Dishwashing Fluid® (heated to preference) and a bowl for fluid-collection — the rest is self-explanatory. You'll never hear your roommates complain again!
Steelport Saints Row
8.) Buttknob:
Drop your drawers, spread your cheeks, and press your bare asshole against the cold metal doorknob. You've always thought about it, and now you have the freedom to try. Does the bathroom knob feel different than the front door? Only one way to find out!
7.) Primal scream:
If you've never let out a blood-curdling scream (for fun, not actual terror), you've never experienced how deeply invigorating it can be. Chances are your neighbors are gone too, so release all the stress that is waking consciousness by screaming into the abyss.
6.) Masturbate openly:
Yes, you masturbate every night when you 'go to bed at 11 p.m.' But that's under the covers on your bed. This time, baby, spread wide on the couch on the living room and chromecast some weird porn onto your TV. Finish with the aforementioned primal scream, and boy howdy we've got a stew goin'.
5.) Sit in a bath of noodles:
G31 modded driver. Speaking of stew, deep down anyone who's ever shared a living space has wanted to bathe in a tub of noodles then feed those noodles to their roommate. Buy some spaghetti, boil it up, pour it in your bathtub (with some salt to taste), sit in said bath for 40-60 minutes, drain the bath, package the noodles, and freeze them in anticipation of a cold January night, perfect for roommate soup ‘n movie night!
4.) Haunt the place:
That's right, you need to make the apartment haunted. Murdering a small child in your bedroom or making several old people very mad before they die in hopes they follow you home should do the trick. Either way, someone's gotta take the blame for the Sunny-D that keeps disappearing from the fridge, and it ain't gonna be you.
3.) Scour the ground for loose Adderall beads:
Your little bitch of a roommate has a prescription to Adderall but left before giving you any. At some point they probably cracked one of the capsules opened to split, and even if you're done with finals, it'd be pretty cool to get real focused up and go to town on Star Fox. So get down on your hands and knees and put your tongue to any little orange-white bead you can find.
2.) Stare into the mirror:
With roommates, it can be hard to spend extended amounts of time staring at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. You're all so busy! But now that they're gone, you can hit the lights and glare into the mirror waiting to see who fucking blinks first.
1.) Do the dishes:
People say it's a chore to fuck dishes, but it's easier than it looks. All you need is a few soft-rubber-ended tongs, a spatula, some Dawn Escapes Dishwashing Fluid® (heated to preference) and a bowl for fluid-collection — the rest is self-explanatory. You'll never hear your roommates complain again!
Steelport Saints Row
Sandbox+ Saints Row 3
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